i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
