Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he puts the penis in happiness.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
