Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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