Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
