No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
