I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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