I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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