I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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