Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
