It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
