I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
