I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
