It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
