I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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