its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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