Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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