I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
