Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
