That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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