The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize