I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
