They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
