at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
