oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
