Having a random hookup so left but love u
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
