i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
