Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
