may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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