so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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