capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
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Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
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My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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