Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
