Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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