Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We had sex on a dog bed..
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