I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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