Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
