Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
