She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize