I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
