I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
