as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Randomize
