who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
