where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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