Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
