just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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