Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The feeling are messing with the penis
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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