I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
