I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
