She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
