oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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