The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
