Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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