I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
