just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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