So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
