think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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