is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
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i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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