i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
