Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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