OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
