I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
