Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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