Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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