i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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