Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize